Found this draft of a post I started back in 2007 and never posted to the blog.  I’m quoting it as is.  Three years later, I still struggle with learning this same lesson.

I’ve been reading Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning. I’m loving it as it’s a huge reminder of God’s grace in our lives – that grace that is completely undeserved and completely lavished upon us. I’m still sorting through a lot of this. I have a tendency to be very self-critical and one of the things I think I’m slowly realizing is that somewhere deep inside I believe that I’ve earned God’s favor. There, I typed it. I say that I must believe this because if I fully believed that grace and a relationship with God were completely dependent on God, then there wouldn’t be a need to be so self-critical. When I accept God’s grace, how can I be critical? Constant self-criticism implies that it all depends on me, not that it all depends on God. I don’t think I’m alone here. I think many of us, to some degree, are in this same boat. We profess with our lips that it’s all completely dependent on God’s grace, but then we live lives that declare otherwise by the way we focus on Christian performance.

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